Like many other fashion-lovers out there, I anticipate the arrival of March Vogue like a kid anticipates Christmas morning. I've been particularly excited for this year's Spring issue, as it heralds the slow-extinction process of the leather-bound, aggressive, witchy-dominatrix aesthetic that has prevailed over the past couple of years. It's not that I can't appreciate the style - I'm simply bored of it. (More thoughts on that later.)
While looking through the ad pages, I noticed that my brain was doing a bizarro free-association excersize (whycan'tIeverspellthewordexerciseproperly). As each brand name went by, I said out loud the first words that came to my mind. Some were logical, some were not. But here’s some highlights:
Fendi: "Playboy Mansion". (Thank you, Sex and the City – in episode 44 Samantha buys a fake Fendi and accuses a Bunny at the Playboy Mansion of stealing it)
Gucci: "Tom Ford". (Though he hasn’t worked for Gucci since 2004, I still immediately think of the Gucci of the late 90s. Ford resurrected the brand and brought it to what remains its most iconic moment. By the way, I hear his directorial debut A Single Man is incredible – check out miss Danielle’s review here)
Louis Vuitton: "Spicy Sandals". (No deep connections here – I just cannot get enough of these gorgeous shoes)
Dior: "Miss Dior Cherie". (Sofia Coppola’s ad campaign featuring Maryna Linchuk floating over Paris under a bunch of balloons was too lovely)
Banana Republic: "IWantEverythingFromThisStoreAndNotJustBecauseIWorkHere".
Dolce & Gabana: "McCollough & Hernandez". (Totally unrelated except that they are two teams of two talented men whose names sound adorable together. I wonder how each team would react to this clumping.)
Girogio Armani: "Armani. Only." (Vagina Monologues quote.)
Hermes: "Her-meeees". (I pronounced Hermes Her-meeeees until I was about fifteen.)
Yves Saint Laurent: "Good LORD what is Natalia Vodianova doing with her face?!?!" (Can’t find a link – tragedy because trust me, it is frightening and incredible.)
St. John: "Angelina Jolie". (Hiring this woman as their spokesmodel was a brilliant move – I, an ordinary consumer, wasn’t particularly aware of the brand before she began appearing in their ad campaigns in early 2006. The hauntingly gorgeous and talented Karen Elson will no doubt be a worthy second act.)
Burberry: "Military". (The trench coat with the brand’s classic patterned lining is still one of my biggest, most visceral in-my-closet dreams.)
DVF (Diane vonFurstenberg): tie between "Andy Warhol" and "Wrap Dresses". (Warhol’s portraits of her are unforgettable. I also must regrettably say that though vonFurstenberg’s wrap dress is rumored to work on every woman’s shape, I cannot make it work on mine. Sigh.)
Michael Kors: “Pretty Ladies on Yachts!” (Thank you, Fug Girls, for one of my favorite fugs ever)
BCBG Max Azria: “Prom dresses for Rich Suburban Princesses.” (Ouch, I’m sorry Max Azria, but that is truthfully what came into my head. I really do think you’re incredibly talented.)
Tommy Hilfiger: “Boats and Streets.” (Anybody remember the Tommy-Hilfiger-Is-a-Racist debacle? What a mess that was.)
Ralph Lauren: “Riverboat Cowboys.” (I always think of their store at the foot of Aspen Mountain when I think of the brand, it fits so well into the Colorado lifestyle. I sort of imagine that everyone who lives in Colorado wears Ralph Lauren.)
Via Spiga: “One of the Best Coat Purchases I’ve Ever Made”.
Valentino: “The Last Emperor”. I thoroughly enjoyed this movie, and am thoroughly terrified of and infatuated with dear Valentino.
What’s the moral of the exer-szxqughsajdfsadf-cise? Not sure, but the results are moderately amusing. Pick up Vogue’s March Issue soon if you haven't – though I have yet to make it past the ads, I know the rest of it won’t disappoint.